Cosmos in the chaos: Finding our way in difficult conversations

Carl Jung wrote, “In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.”

Or: even when things feel disordered or overwhelming, there is an underlying pattern — a deeper logic — to be discovered. In working with couples—or pairs of any kind—even in the most tangled conversations, there is order and connection underneath.

Jung is not talking about “order” as neatness; he’s talking about meaningful structure inside emotional intensity. In relationships:

• A conflict that looks chaotic often has predictable roots: fear, attachment styles, unmet needs, old patterns.
• A meltdown or shutdown usually reflects a deep instinct or old emotional pattern rising to the surface.
• Miscommunication often hides a core longing or core fear.

He ends the rest of this passage by saying that to understand human nature, we need methods that don’t artificially constrain or oversimplify. We need to let the psyche reveal itself on its own terms.

My approach to “cosmos in the chaos” is to stay with that layered reality—the shared patterns and instincts beneath the surface—so partners can move through conflict without shutting down, speeding up, or falling back into old roles.